11/18: Leaders are firmly gentle

Dale Carnegie said it best in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People:

The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.

True leaders seem to always find the gentlest approach to dealing with problems in the workplace. They have learned that a caring, person-centric response to a workplace issue always yields the best long-term results. “A humane heart and a strong one; soft of speech and manner,” said Thomas Carlyle, “yet with an inflexible rigor of command. “ I have a prime example from one of my first jobs, some 30+ years ago, which demonstrates the effectiveness of firm gentleness.

I was 18 and working my way through college as a dock hand in a textile mill during the summer and after classes. Periodically, about once every 3 months, visited upon us like the plague was the arrival of the railway box car. When the box car arrived, about half of the dock hands were assigned to fill this box car with old rags and other non-saleable remnants of cloth. As one can well imagine, a most odious task.

There was, however, a known fact that those who dressed in the best clothes on “box car day” were least likely to be selected for box car duty. When the word would leak out that the box car was coming, those of us who had been on the dock long enough knew it was time to step up the attire.

On one particular day, the word was out that the box car was coming the next day. Secure in the knowledge of my sartorial subterfuge, I dressed accordingly.

But it didn’t work. I was placed on box car duty, and none too happy about it. I groused, I complained and worked myself into a tizzy. When I had had all I could stand, I stormed off, with my supervisor, Al, gently trying to calm me down. The reward for his efforts was a crumpled time card thrown in his general direction.

A few days later, and a realization that I had it pretty good where I was, I wanted to come back. I knew I was going to have to swallow my pride, obsequiously asking for my job back. I wasn’t happy about it, but I knew what I had to do.

When I arrived at my old job, I saw Al. I will never forget what he did. He saw me, smiled, and picked up the phone. He called the front office and said, “Cathy, send Bert’s time card down.” (It was actually a new, straight one.)

“You ready to get to work,” said Al.

“Yes, sir,” I said.

And that was all there was to it—on the surface. The next time the box car arrived, I came to work ready to work on it, and I even volunteered for the job. I will never forget the look Al and I exchanged on the dock that day. He had taught me well that I had an obligation to my place of employment, that he was indeed “the boss.” And he did it in a way that preserved my self respect, and my endearing respect for him.